Just Be Yourself…

I’ve definitely gotten to a point where, finally, I am comfortable in my own skin.  I don’t feel the need to go on any crash diets because my ass might be too big, I don’t feel the need to own expensive clothes or shoes, I don’t feel the need to get the latest haircut so I give the appearance of being “modern.”  I mean obviously there are things I do not love about myself (refer back to big ass).  I can be a bit lazy and I love to sleep (to the point that if it were an Olympic sport you’d be reading a blog written by a Gold Medalist), I procrastinate because I can be lazy and I like to pretend I work better under pressure (which in some cases, really is true), and I don’t take care of myself the way I should.  Being a Gemini and battling two of me makes me conflicted and contrary (I was born contrary and will die contrary) so sometimes making firm decisions is a pain in my big ass, but all in all, I feel very little if any guilt about any of these things I don’t love about myself.  I used to.  I used to stress and worry and drive myself completely batshit crazy fretting on how to fix all of these things.  But not anymore.  I’m at a good place with myself and the good news is it only took 43 years to get here. 

I regret it took me so long to reach a place where I am, for the most part, accepting of myself – flaws and all.   The positive aspect to this is 1 – I’m not dwelling on the bad parts of me anymore (nobody wants to see me go totally batshit crazy…that just wouldn’t be pretty) and most importantly 2 – my daughter is young enough to absorb some of this acceptance.  I pray this will help her to not dwell so much on the things she doesn’t like about herself because I do not want her to be 43 years old when she is finally comfy in her own skin.  I hate the thought of her struggling with insecurity.  I mean, it’s gonna happen.  We all struggle with it from time to time, but I want her to KNOW without doubt that it’s okay for her to love herself and be happy with what God’s given her, whether she’s fond of it or not.  I worry about this a lot.  Our media insists on projecting images of girls who simply aren’t real and my daughter, like most kids her age gets caught up in celebrity/media hype.  I do a lot of damage control which is okay, but it’s important that my little girl realize it is okay to just be herself.  I desperately pray every day that she’ll grow up confident and secure and never worry about what others think or say.

Having said that, let me say this:  I don’t do well with fake.  People like this are so completely transparent and it boggles my mind.  It must take a ton of energy (which we all know I’d never waste on such silliness because I’m too lazy to do so) to pretend to be something you aren’t.  When did it stop being okay to accept ourselves for who we are and when did loving ourselves become arrogant and shallow?  And before I go any further understand I do NOT, by any means, feel I am perfect.  Sweet baby crickets NO!  I am way, way far from perfect but my point is I am okay not being perfect.  I don’t feel I need to live up to anyone else’s standards of living nor do I feel the need to fit into some kind of mold our warped society has deemed acceptable.  My message here is…JUST BE YOURSELF and BE HAPPY BEING YOU.

For fun, I thought I’d list some things here that I don’t do just because I don’t care what others think and because I don’t care what others think (did I say that already?): 

1.  I don’t keep up with politics.  Why?  Because I don’t give a rats ass.  There, I said it. I DO NOT CARE.  It bores the crap out of me to hear politicians drone on and on about  how they are going to change the world.  I don’t want to hear about it, don’t want to know about it.

2.  I’m not a social butterfly at work.  People all the time spout off about office politics and I truly from the depths of my soul do not give one iota about office politics.  I don’t feel compelled to attend office parties or sit around all day chatting about the latest soap operas or office gossip.  I go to work to WORK.  This isn’t to say I’m not nice at work.  I am.  I’ve made an effort to get along with everyone at any job I’ve ever had even if I do not care for him/her much, but don’t try to suck me into that whole “you HAVE to go to the office party or it’ll look bad if you don’t” trap because I’m not falling for it.  I will schmooze when it’s only absolutely necessary but otherwise, leave me alone so I can get my job done.

3.  I do not, not even a little, care to keep up with the latest movies, music, or celebrities.  Honestly these days I don’t know who half the famous folk are.  I hear music being made these days that makes me want to take something sharp and stabbed myself in the eardrums just to make the noise stop.  I’m not a movie person.  I’m a book lover.  I want to read a story not hock my shit so I can afford to pay exorbitant prices to go sit and stare at a screen for 2-3 hours surrounded by strangers who I believe are screened at the door to make sure they are the rudest & loudest people on the planet before being allowed admittance.  It’s just not for me.  Give me a book, 80s metal, and Lucille Ball anytime!  I don’t need the “new and hip” stuff to be happy.

4.  I’m a homebody and I want to be at home.  I want to be with my things, my family, my pets and I want to be comfortable.  I enjoy peace and quiet and barring a library, there aren’t too many places to go that offer this.  I do like to go out from time to time, but as a rule, I prefer home.  So don’t try to make me feel bad because I’m not constantly busy and OUT doing something.  That’s fantastic if it works for you and you enjoy it, but don’t pull me into it.  I’m not interested.

5.  Fashion…I’m freaking clueless.  I don’t know designers or the latest fashions trends and again, I do not care.  I don’t run around in velvet jumpsuits and white go-go boots, but I will run around in my leggings, flannel shirts, sweats and tennis shoes and if this offends anyone, don’t look.  I do not read fashion magazines or have any desire to wear dresses made of feathers or shoes modeled after the hooves of goats.  My look may suck but so does that trendy crap.

So there.  5 things I do not do just because someone tells me I should.  Pretty major things, too.  Our society is overrun with politics and an obsession with image.  Don’t let it get to you folks.  Wake up every single day, go to the mirror, take a good look at who you see and KNOW the person you see is OKAY.  Learn to love yourself, if you don’t already, and don’t give in to “peer pressure.”  It’s just not worth sacrificing your sense of self to be someone you really aren’t.

The Elephant in the Room…

People hate to talk about this because it’s considered a taboo subject but if you know me at all, then you know there are few subjects I consider off-limits.  Especially those that are a part of life and can’t be avoided.  So here I go…

Our world needs to be a bit more educated about PMS.  Every single time I hear someone say “it’s all in a woman’s head” I want to slap them.  It’s usually a man who makes this comment so this blog is for the idiot men out there who don’t have a clue and have obviously never lived with or known a woman.  For those men who are educated and smart enough to recognize PMS for what it is – HELL FOR A WOMAN – and real, then I salute you!

Let’s get down to it, shall we?

PMS is real.  It is damn real.  It is so real that my family works hard at simply avoiding me all together for that 7 – 14 days during the month.  People are afraid to talk to me, to ask me questions, to look at me wrong.  It’s a serious situation.  Now, in a previous life I was medicated (God bless Prozac) and so my symptoms were not near as bad.  Throw in a little Xanax and I’m good to go.  But those days are long gone so it’s just me.  Me and my hormones and we aren’t friendly.  It’s not just the bitchiness either.  There is the bloating, the food cravings that us women find disturbing because it is this time of month when we feel the fattest and most unattractive, it’s the headaches (some get migraines – I do), and the need to be loved yet also being unapproachable at the same time…it’s a nightmare.  It’s the sadness, depression, anger and mood swings we can not control…and knowing we have no real control makes us even more sad, depressed, and angry and what do you know?  Here comes another mood swing!  It’s a vicious cycle, men. 

The truth of the matter is, this is not in our heads.  It is in our hormones.  They get all whacked out and trigger all of those symptoms  I mentioned, and for the record PMS can trigger approximately 150 different physical and psychological symptoms.  Luckily for women, after child-bearing years, this goes away but those 30-40 years of dealing with it can really take a toll on a person.  Think about that?  I started my period when I was 9 years old.  NINE!  I am now almost 44.  You do the math.  It’s a long damn time. 

What can we do about it?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, drugs help.  But not all of us have the means to get those so try natural remedies.  I’ve found that St. John’s Wart and Valerian Root work to get me through the hard times.   Exercise and rest and relaxation can also help with relieving some of the symptoms.  If you suffer from sleep deprivation during PMS, try taking melatonin.  Works wonders for a good night’s sleep. 

For more information, the resources on the web are endless but try choosing a reputable source.  I found Discovery Health website to be quite helpful and informative.

And for men, the ones who get it and the ones who choose to live in a state of denial, all you can really do is just accept it.  It’s here, it’s not going anywhere, and no matter what you do you’ll probably be wrong so just smile, nod, and walk away.  But not too fast because we might want a hug.  Of course, you’ll hug us and then we’ll get mad at you for it but that’s ok.  Just remember…this too shall pass and never doubt we love you, even when we don’t show it, because we do. 

I need to take a moment to apologize to Bret, my trucker.  He’s shown an abundance of patience and kindness this week that I simply did not know men possessed.  He has single-handedly restored my faith in men so thank you Bret…you are a really special guy.