Quick! Change the Channel!

I’m a re-run junkie. There. I’ve said it.

The latest television shows, news channels, sports channels…these things don’t interest me in the least. What I care about is keeping my brain clutter-free or at least free from television pollution so I tend to stick with re-runs.

I can quote verbatim every episode of I Love Lucy. I can tell you just from hearing the title of an episode of Roseanne what happens during that specific show. Dick Van Dyke trivia?  You can’t win. I know it all.

For years I’ve said that watching old television shows is good for you…for me…for all of us. They are relaxing. No violence, no profanity, no nudity. Just good TV. There isn’t a comedian alive today that is funnier than Jack Benny was. I can’t think of one single current television show that could possibly be more entertaining than watching a Dean Martin Roast.

Watching re-runs is, in my opinion, therapeutic and recently I read an article in Reader’s  Digest that confirms my theory. A study conducted by scientists at the University of Buffalo have concluded that watching re-runs is energizing. Why? Because re-runs don’t require mental effort. They are familiar. They bring about comfort. We can spend time with our favorite characters and take a break from the “real world” which, let’s face it, is downright exhausting.

The next time you feel guilty for jumping on Hulu to watch Mr. Ed or Netflix to binge watch Andy Griffith, don’t. Watch the shows you love and remember it’s good for you. Catch a classic, have some laughs and let your mind and body relax. Watching Fox News? Glued to E checking out latest reality show?  Quick! Change the channel!  Find an oldie but goodie. Take the break. You’ll be glad you did.

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A Ridiculous Limerick :)

**DISCLAIMER:  If you are religious or offend easily, you probably will not find this funny.  STOP READING NOW!**  

The other night Billy and I were sitting around watching TV and we hear a news clip about a rock that went through a woman’s windshield.  The newscaster then says something to the effect of “you’ll never believe what was on her dashboard that saved her life!”

Billy looked over at me and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if she had a bobble-head Jesus on her dashboard and that is what saved her life?’

His comment made this happen in my head…

There once was a redneck named Bubba

Who didn’t have time for a wife

He crashed his truck while holding a knife

And bobble-head Jesus saved his life!

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A Story for Suckers…

First, check out Tooth of the Day…I’m a cartoon!  I love her blog SO much!

And now this.

Bear w/ me b/c this story has a couple of different parts…

Yesterday, we were at Ingles. I was there AGAIN today but that’s neither here nor there. (I throw that in so ya’ll feel sorry for me for having to shop for groceries TWICE this week). Anyway…we were looking at those gourmet suckers at the register. You know the ones w/ the really funky flavors like Wild Cherry Explosion, Blackberry Party in your Mouth, Orange Splash, Pomegranate Tuitty Fruitty or whatever the hell it’s called? (I totally made those up b/c I don’t remember what they are really called). Now, I never do the whole sucker thing (and I mean CANDY) b/c they take too damn long. Who in the hell has that kind of time for a stupid piece of candy? Give me chocolate or give me death, ya know what I mean? I also don’t do well watching movies. Like, I’ve got the attention span of a box of hair so sitting through a movie for hours just isn’t my thing. I mean I HAVE watched them but they have to be super, extra good for me to get through them, otherwise I get distracted and can’t keep up. I said all of that to say that suckers are like movies for your mouth. Think about it.

EVIL WAY TOO LONG LASTING BASTARDS!

candy-sucker

CARTERISMS: Clever Things My Daddy Says

I entered some kind of blog challenge a long time ago.  Because it’s Fathers’ Day, I thought I’d share.

Tell us in 57 words or less the best advice you ever received from someone older than you that you admire.  

I’ve added to it so this isn’t 57 words.  Roll with it.

I decided to write a poem.  It’s not a good poem but shit rhymes so that counts, right?  My Daddy’s words of wisdom are bold.  I have to say these words have never failed me  – ever.

When you’re unsure and confusion says hello, always always…

Stick with what you know.

You don’t know what to think, your opinion you’re preserving?  Remember…

You learn a lot by just observing.

You’ve put it off all day, what will it take? C’mon man…

Let’s kill that snake!

You’re waiting on a friend?  It’s taking them too long?

Never make plans, nothing ever goes wrong.

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HAPPY FATHERS’ DAY TO THE BEST DADDY EVER!!

Trifecta Challenge: A REALLY Bad Poem

The weekend Trifecta challenge:

On now to our weekend challenge.  This weekend we are asking for a thirty-three word confession.  You’re free to write non-fiction or fiction or to blur the lines in between.  We just encourage you to get creative and give us your best.

My semi-creative way of admitting I ate ice cream for dinner the other night.  Straight out of the carton.  NO GUILT!  

Frozen, delightful, yummy treat

Chocolate ice cream I did eat.

Creamy goodness, no bowl did I need

Eating it all, I did succeed!

To celebrate, happiness is key

Yes!  Happy Birthday to me!

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Totally made a pig of myself and I don’t care!

Dating Dealbreakers…

I’m Googling writing prompts in an effort to inspire creativity.  My muse is on a hiatus of sorts so I’m hoping to jump start something here without the lazy little bitch’s help.

I found a prompt titled “No Can Do” and the question:  Do you have any absolute dealbreakers in a relationship?

Hell yes, I do.  As I’ve gotten older and dated or married one jackass after another and after this last break up with F., I’ve decided I actually do have honest to goodness dealbreakers.  Keep in mind these are based on past experiences with men.  In no particular order:

*If your back is so hairy it looks like the backside of a gorilla, forget it.  I’ll never be able to touch you without getting completely creeped out.

*Drinking doesn’t bother me but if you’re an alcoholic, please move along.  I’m not capable of handling the whole Jekyll/Hyde thing.

*If you don’t read, I’m not interested.  By read, I mean actual books not random articles you’ve found on the internet about stupid shit nobody gives a crap about (like this blog, for instance).

*Have some kind of goals for yourself.  Anything will do.

*Have your own life, ideas, opinions and hobbies.  No matter how much I love you I’ll never want to spend every single second of the day with you & you shouldn’t want to do that with me.  It’s perfectly healthy to not share everything.

*Lying?  Won’t tolerate it.

*Music…I MUST have it in my life.  If you’re a dude who likes to listen to talk radio all the time, we probably won’t get along very well.

*I’m a Mom first and foremost so if you don’t like kids or you think you might be jealous because mine will always come first, it’s a no go.

Those are the biggies that’ll make me run screaming.  What about you?  Got any dealbreakers?

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