To Anita, From Umona…

I’m one of the weirdos who actually enjoys reading spam mail.  Or at least some of it and the people who send these crazy emails asking for my personal banking account information seriously crack me up.  Today, I’ve decided to experiment and write one of these nuts back.  I created a fake email address…let’s see what happens.  I’m PRAYING I get a reply.

Here is the email I got:

From: Anita Sayed <anitasayed46@hotmail.fr>
Sent: Saturday, February 18, 2012 12:41 PM
Subject: From: Anita Sayed

From: Anita Sayed

My Dear,

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business which am intend to establish inyour country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe one has torisk confiding in succeed sometimes in life.

I can confide on you for the brighter future of my life since you are a humanbeing like me. But what i need from you is Truth, Trust and Honest.

There is this huge amount of four Million Five Hundred Thousand united statesdollars. ($4.500.000.00) which my late Father Deposited for me in the Bank herein Abidjan Cote D’ivoireas his next of kin before he died out of sickness.

Now” am decided to invest this money in your country or anywhere safeenough for security and political reasons.

I want you to help me to transfer my inheritance money into your personalaccount in your country for investment purposes on these areas:

1). Telecommunication
2). The transport industry
3). Five star hotel
4). Real Estate
5) Company enterprise

If you can be of an assistance to me, i will be pleased to offer to you 20% ofthe total fund.

I will be humbly waiting your soonest response.

Respectfully yours,

Miss Anita Sayed

And here is my reply:

Dear Ms. Sayed,

I appreciate your taking the time to write to me about a matter of such importance.  It must’ve taken quite a bit of courage for you to contact a perfect stranger about such a large sum of money.

However, I regret to inform you…I am not human and I am not like you.  Since you have trusted me with your confidence, I feel I must do the same.

I belong to an underground coven of vampire/werewolf hybrids who, as a hobby, practice witchcraft.  Our race is dwindling and there are only a few of us left which is why we choose to live underground.  We prey only on those who do harm to others and occasionally, to people who send us ridiculous spam email.  You might find it odd that a coven of hybrids such as ourselves have computer access.  Do not be alarmed.  We have found it necessary to keep track of hunters by way of the internet.  It must shock you to find out there are hunters stupid enough to Geo Cache.  We were shocked, too.

We do find your offer intriguing, but as you’ve probably guessed we have no use for hotels, real estate or company enterprise.  If your offer included raw meat, blood banks and WiFi then we might be interested.

Thank you for taking the time to contact me.  If you do not hear back from me again, it means I’ve gone out hunting and you may not be aware, but that can take quite some time depending on my form – I just never know when I’ll be a vampire or a werewolf.  Or both, which gets tricky.

Sincerely,

Umona, Queen of the Underground