It’s been awhile. I’ve been slack in my blogging. I’ve also noticed a change in how I’ve felt since I’ve not blogged. I’m guilty of just not making time for it, plain and simple…it’s my fault. Blogging, although I’ve been doing it a short time, has made a significant difference in my attitude. After I hit “publish” I find I feel lighter, less stressed, my brain isn’t quite so full. I know that for me, this process is incredibly theraputic and yet I failed to make time for it. Yep, screwed myself out of some quality time with my blog. I am my own worst enemy.
I think we all can be our worst enemy. I’ve been thinking a lot about how we tend to sabatoge ourselves with our actions and/or with our attitudes. Reading the Elder’s Meditation this morning that I am so very fond of, it says:
The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of our character defects if we constructively review our conduct each day, asking where we are resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Remember, we need to review constructively, not destructively. Destructive review is when we ask, “what’s the matter with me anyway.” or “how could I be so stupid?” These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect our self esteem. In constructive review we ask, “what will I do next time?” With constructive review we progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom.
Which leads me to wonder…how much of my “stinkin’ thinkin'” is responsible for the outcome of each day? Do I go to bed grumpy and just relived the day is over, or do I lay my head down at night able to smile and find the many reasons I SHOULD be grateful? I’ve found my DESTRUCTIVE review can kill me on the inside and it is no one’s fault but my own.
See, we get caught up. Life is tough, man. No matter how much we strive to be positive, those destructive thoughts can crawl their way in and before we know it, we’re bogged down with a bad attitude. We start to question ourselves in ways that aren’t productive at all. I do it, too. I’m terrible with it. I will often find myself thinking, “Lisa! What is wrong with you?” or “OMG, I’m such a dumbass!” When really, if I’d just take a moment to get gripped and re-adjust the way I think then I’d find myself at the end of each day a bit more settled and a bit more grateful and yes, even a bit more wiser.
I feel that our destructive criticims can hamper our ability to see that no matter what happens or what we do, we have value. Goodness, I can get so frazzled and sucked up into the whole “what is wrong with me” trap that I sometimes fail to realize there is very little actually WRONG with me. Why is that? Because I’m human! One that will make mistakes. Mistakes are okay. Mistakes shape us and offer us valuable lessons IF we allow ourselves the opportunity to learn from them. So maybe we should embrace our mistakes, our failures, and just the general crap life chunks at us instead of throwing ourselves elaborate and time-wasting pity parties. Perfection isn’t a requirement and it’s not even achievable. Le’s stop being so hard on ourselves, shall we? It’s a thought.
The next time you find yourself asking “what did I do wrong? how could I be so stupid?”, maybe rephrase that into “how can this situation be different? what can I do to help it and make it better?” If we find we can’t do anything to change a situation then for the love of all that is holy, ACCEPT THAT and MOVE ON! Don’t dwell on it! But changing the way we view ourselves (or a particular situation) goes a long way to improving our attitude and how we see ourselves. No one should go through life feeling like they are worthless and unimportant. Not one human should feel that way. Every single one of us has value. But if WE don’t see that, how can anyone else see it? We control that, ya know. Only we have the power to control how we feel about ourselves and everything around us. We should never give that control to anyone or anything…EVER.
And on a different, yet somewhat related topic – I’ve spoken before about negativity. It’s important to mention here that negative thinking does in fact bring about negative energy. Believe it or not, it’s true. The more time we spend dwelling on the negative, the worse we make things for ourselves. It does snowball. We can absolulely drown in it to a point where we feel we can never get out. So again, back to our personal power – ONLY WE CAN CHANGE IT! It’s a conscious decision on our part to say to ourselves “Ok, this is it…no more negativity. I will shut down this PityFest I’ve got going on and I will think positive thoughts.” You might feel like everything in the world is wrong and your life is filled with misery and nothing is going right, but if we’d just stop and remove OUR negativity then we’d see that honestly, life isn’t as bad as it could be and by doing so, we’ll realize we aren’t as bad as we think we are either.
NOTE: Do NOT sit around waiting for someone to change it for you and do NOT sit around just waiting for life to get better without putting some work into it. You do that and you are simply setting yourself up for disappointment, no doubt.
The truth of the matter is, the people who go through life with their destructive thought processes and negative energy aren’t much fun to be around. There are folks in this world who just naturally have a sunny disposition all the time and that’s well and good. I, however, am not one of those. I am one of the bitchiest people I know (TRUTH) and so for me, to maintain a positive attitude and think constructively is WORK. It’s not something I just get up and do b/c that’s how I’m wired. I have to get up every single morning and make the deicison to do it then I spend all day putting effort into the process. Most days I am successful and if I am not just downright cheery then I can at least maintain a balance. But it’s not easy to fight our own inner demons when we have to constantly be exposed to other’s inner demons, as well. Sometimes I want to give up the fight. Some days I simply wake up not having the energy to do it. I really don’t. Some mornings I want to throw in the towel, say screw it, and just let myself wallow (and some mornings I’ve done just that) but for the most part, I get up everyday making the decision to be happy. I do not want to live my life miserable. Where is the quality and value in living that way? I WANT to be happy and I have to make it happen. So do you! Know that if you are a natural-born Negative Nellie, your disposition and way of thinking won’t change overnight so don’t get discouraged. Just take it one day at a time!
Now let’s get up, get out and make it a HAPPY day!